Victory is mine, victory is mine....

( Filtered to Agency Directors )

Attention Agency employees:

Has anyone seen my dog? I think he wandered off. No one tempted him with meaty snacks, right? Because he's fat enough.

( Filtered to Jane, Kit, Toby, Colin, & Kal )

( Filtered to the Agency )

Someone save me from political agendas, please.

Doing my daily walk through of the Agency office today, I was not overly surprised to find something interesting. Not one, not two, but three different work spaces have been completely gift-wrapped. Either one person was very busy last night, or three people had the same idea.

I hope you all had fun unwrapping your staplers.

Even with the odd choice of decor, the Formal was a rousing success. Nothing caught fire, nobody had to sneak off to deal with some international disaster, and there were no fist fights. Not to mention how lucky I personally was to land such a lovely date. The invitations may have been glitter bombs, but it all turned out okay.

It says something about our operations when I feel the need to celebrate because our celebration went off without a hitch.

I need everyone in the office tomorrow morning. Every department will be meeting. Maybe one of you will have some kind of explanation as to what the hell is going on. Even if you don't, I need to be caught up.

Until then, let's try not to panic.

You haven't lived until you've all but eaten tile at the White House.

I do not remember that step being there, okay? Someone should have done a better job building a replica set, that's all I have to say.

I think I can still hear people laughing.

This is just a reminder, there is a mandatory meeting at noon for all Directors and their deputies. I'd like the Caretakers to be briefed as well as soon as it's over, so that they can pass on information to any of their cases that might have questions or concerns.

As for the rest of you, be on alert. We had two major issues in the same weekend. If someone is accelerating their criminal activity, we need to be ready for it.

Keep up the good work everyone.

Attention everyone:

The Agency no longer believes that it is only the bottled water that is affected by the truth drugs. Due to the sheer amount of people who remain infected, we're now investigating the potential that tap water supplies have been contaminated as well. We've also ruled out a few bottled water brands, the list of which I'll attach to the end of this announcement. For now, we highly recommend that you only drink water from those brands. Avoid any other bottled water and drinking straight from the tap.

Yep. We screwed up. Wouldn't be the first time. Definitely won't be the last. Go ahead and start with your scathing remarks, I honestly don't care. And you know how you can be sure that I'm honest? Because we followed our own advice, that's why.

Have a great day.

- Director R. Macintosh

( Filtered to Agency Directors, Deputies and Jane Adams )

The good: I'm actually in the same country as my father for Father's Day.

The bad: It's because I have to be in California tomorrow for one hell of a meeting, and to personally sit in on some of the interrogations of people suspected to be involved with the prison escapade. This includes, but is no limited to, guards, local police, and the Director of the Los Angeles office who called me a pompous malcontent when I took the job of Security Director last year.

The sarcastic: You know what they say, what's the good of being in power if you can't haul your enemies in for questioning...

( Agency Personnel )

( Kal )

I think I may have actually worked it out to where I'll have a full day off tomorrow. Please, for the love of god, don't do anything stupid. Any of you. I mean it.

So, short of the apocalypse, I'll be able to spend a full twenty-fivefour hours in the States. Try to keep the apocalypses to a minimum, reincarnates.

( Private to Colin )

If anyone else was wondering what that shaking was, apparently there was a minor disaster down in Objects and Retrieval. I'm told the situation is under control, and that, no, the building is not about to collapse around our ears. However, if anyone wants to go down there and make sure they're not just fucking with me, be my guest.

How are we doing out there, reincarnates? Any complaints, achievements, or catastrophes that I haven't heard about, that you feel like sharing with the Director?

This job gets harder every day. We're overworked and understaffed. There are hardly enough people to handle the everyday, run-of-the-mill reincarnate problems, let alone trying to keep the two sides of the war from ripping the whole damn world in half. You know that phrase 'shit rolls downhill'? Yeah, not here. It levitates right to the top of the chain. How the hell did I end up being in charge, anyway? Christ.

( Filtered to the Agency )

It was nice to see I wasn't the only one working with a hangover today.

But that doesn't make it any better.

Because I had to deal with the complaints from the department heads who don't know how to have fun, and were disgruntled about their employees drowning themselves in coffee and aspirin. Meanwhile, I just wanted to drown myself in coffee and aspirin. Do you know how hard it is to pretend to be disapproving of drinking on a work night when you yourself were drunk on a work night?

The fact that I spend way too much time out of my flat...no, I haven't gone quite that native yet apartment has been made very apparent by the contents of my kitchen. My fridge contains one bottle of wine, three different varieties of coffee creamer and about ten different kinds of sauce. There's also some unlabeled plastic containers in there, but I wouldn't open those under threat of death. Oh and my cupboards are nothing but dry cereal, canned vegetables, and an obscene amount of coffee beans. We won't discuss my liquor cabinet here.

In the event of nuclear fallout or a zombie apocalypse, I'm going to be one of the first ones to starve. But I will be well caffeinated.

( Private to Michael Morgan )

If anyone plans on committing any heinous crimes on Valentine's Day, please let me know in advance. Mostly so I can tell someone else to take care of it, as I'm taking the day off.

Thanks for your time.

( Private to Elizabeth )